At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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