he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am available for nakedness
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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