I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
