me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i out mim tonsoeep
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