i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
