Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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