the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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