Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
