Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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