tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
