dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
