i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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