Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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