Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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