you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
