So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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