You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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