Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
