I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
