i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We got so high we made milksteak
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
