I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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