Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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