I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
