I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize