barbara walters just said penis...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
