im six kinds of drunk right now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
