cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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