everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
