His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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