Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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