I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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