my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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