Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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