I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
