You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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