no, he came in my armpit
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
