why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
