goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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