yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
