3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
