No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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