a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
