Pants 0. Shit 1.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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