it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
