my being single is dangerous.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sorry about my life...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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