Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
