Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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