The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize