At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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