From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
