bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
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