Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
