I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
