i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
