The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
