i will never coherently bang her
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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