I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
