I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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