Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
