You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
