just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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