If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
