Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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