I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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